!@#$%^&*

One of our newspapers is written on about a fourth grade reading level. Sounds shocking, but I think most are written for people who didn’t have the wearwithall to make it past junior high.

I try to avoid media at almost all cost. If it doesn’t come from your mouth or your blog, it isn’t newsworthy to me at all. Ignorance is bliss. If something is going on in the world that is terribly important someone will tell me about it. I run with a pretty savvy crowd.

Today’s Daily News ran an article about a dog who was beaten by (and I quote) “two miserable bastards”. It said just that, right in the first sentence.

Do I swear? Not really. I like to use dirty words when I blog or email or write. But I don’t necessarily use them when I speak. Unless we’re playing that game where we dress up and pretend that you are… Wait. Never mind. I don’t necessarily use them when I speak.
Do I care if you swear? Kind of. I think it’s crass and a surefire mark of a limited vocabulary. If you can’t come up with adjectives that are safe to say in front of your grandmother then I suggest you consider going back to night school.
Do I have a problem with swearing on television? No! In fact, I have a problem that they don’t swear enough on television. There are no laws about what you say on cable television. If you don’t like it, don’t get cable. As long as NBC, ABC, CBS, and what other crap is free these days keep their mouths clean it doesn’t matter to our government. It matters to the American people who pretend to be so appalled when they hear naughty words so their neighbors think they are good upstanding godfearing people. I call bullshit on you.
Yes, you.
You know who you are.
Don’t try to tell me that the only reason you have cable is for the 700 Club, I look in your windows at night and see you watching porny stuff.
I do have a problem with allowing my child to sit in front of the television when a sweary or violent show is on because I think it is trashy to teach children swear words and expose them to gratuitous violence.
Then again, I accidentally showed my child this video. I swear I didn’t mean to. I thought I was doing a good thing by YouTubing some Teletubbies that he could watch while I got him some milk. I put him in front of it without checking to see what kind of footage it was and didn’t think twice until I start hearing little “no! No! NO!”‘s coming from the computer. Jake didn’t sleep well that night.

Somehow seeing swear words in the paper always makes my heart jump. Its like hearing an old lady say something naughty. First I’m shocked, then appalled, then angry. Mostly at myself for being such a miserable prude.

I use the word bastard all the time. Both of my nieces are bastards. My brother is going to have a bastard. I bought presents for all three of those little bastards yesterday. I was with my bastard cousin last night. The lady in the next cube over has four little bastards of her own. By three different bastardizing babydaddies. I had a bottle of Arrogant Bastard last week. I’m a lucky bastard because I get a catered lunch this afternoon. Then I’ll be a fat bastard. I don’t know why seeing the word in the paper gets my panties in such a bunch. Which I kind of like, by the way. So I’m not too sure why I’m complaining.

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