what goes on in my brain on company time. part one.

Sometimes I wonder how karma hasn’t torn me a new one. Like right now, when I saw a link to a feature in the online paper that read: “Q&A with Marlee Matlin“. And I almost totally lol’ed at work because all I could think of was this:
Q: Hello Marlee, how are you today?
A: What?
Q: How are you today?
A: What?
Q: How… forget it. Are you enjoying Dancing with the Stars?
A: Excuse me?
Q: DANCING WITH THE STARS! Are you enjoying it?
A: Dancing up on bars? I’m not sure what you are talking about.
…and so on.

See, I can say stuff like that because I was deaf. Once. Sure it was over twenty-five years ago and I’ve had corrective surgery and now I can hear dog whistles, but as a fellow hearing-impaired person I can make those types of jokes and all you can do is chuckle uncomfortably and feel sorry for those who have suffered the same plight as Marlee and Me. Its a cold dark and lonely world for us. Well, her. I’m all better.

Although I do know how to say “my mother has my hearing aid” in sign language and with a dead on slur. Sometimes I pull that out in bars when creepy guys are talking to me. It works almost as well as telling them I’m married, and when they ask why I’m not wearing a ring I tell them it’s because I’m four months pregnant and my fingers are swollen. Then I resume drinking.

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