you can’t interfere with destiny

I was watching the movie Election last night. If you haven’t seen it, you should. I still find it funny after watching it seventeen times. My favorite scene is when Tracy Flick, Paul Metzler, and his sister Tammy are saying their bedtime prayers. I’m laughing right now just thinking about it.

When I was little, I used to pray for California to fall into the ocean, the Mississippi River bed to flood, volcanic eruptions in the Pacific, tornadic disasters in the Midwest, and a flat chest. And a unicorn. I’ve always been WAY into earth science/natural disasters/vengeful Old Testament stuff and a little insecure about my chest size and a lot slighted that I never saw a unicorn. And that’s it. I never asked for blessings to be bestowed on me or my family. I just wanted to watch my world fall apart from the back of a unicorn and be a bit more comfortable while doing it.

I would also leave change under my pillow with a note to God telling him to prove to me he was real and take the money and feed the kids that he obviously didn’t care about in China and Africa, because I cared enough for the both of us.

Please take note: God never took those pennies.

So, I wrote him notes saying he was terrible because he let people suffer. I did this long after I got over him neglecting my tithes. I would put them in pew envelopes and throw them in the collection plate at church.

Isn’t that terrible? I


%d bloggers like this: